


the greatest loves of all time (are over now)

by seojiya



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, ChanBaek - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Weddings, hindi sila nagkatuluyan in the end, idk how to tag lol, salamat na lang sa lahat, totga????
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27229135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seojiya/pseuds/seojiya
Summary: baekhyun could feel the burning stares of the people in the hall. although some of them are oblivious, a few of them have probably caught on. baekhyun knows that this is not the right place and time for what he’s about to say, but there will never be any other time. this is his only chance. his last one.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	the greatest loves of all time (are over now)

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello!!! :]
> 
> this is a commissioned fic for user @bonaminah! :)  
> this was supposed to be posted around july/august pa, but i had to rewrite it from scratch thrice kasi hindi ako satisfied sa kinalabasan huhuhu but finally, finally!!! after almost (?) four months, andito na siya. tapos na siya. :)
> 
> i wrote this for weeks while listening to miss taylor's folklore so uhhhhh dami feels
> 
> have fun reading!!! i know this is not my best, but i tried really hard hehehehehehe wag kayo iyak
> 
> PS!!!!!!!!!
> 
> this fic is written in a non-linear narrative hehehe hindi sunod-sunod ang mga pangyayari, and things that happened in the past (hs days) are written in italics hehe sana masundan niyo :(

baekhyun slowly gets up from his seat as soon as he’s given the cue. his hearbeat speeds up inside his chest, and both of his hands start to sweat. he starts to gently tap his knife against the wine glass in an attempt to get everyone’s attention, and he succeeds, all eyes on him now.

“uhm,” he clears his throat, smiling brightly. talking in front of a huge crowd was never really a problem for baekhyun. hindi naman siya mahiyain. he never had a problem presenting a project in a lecture hall, in front of a hundred and fifty students and a really strict prof, didn’t feel even an ounce of nervousness when asked to give an impromptu speech when his mom remarried—but for some reason, _this…_ this is making him really tense.

the function hall is illuminated with bright warm lights, and from where he’s standing, baekhyun could see a few familiar faces—all of them giving him an encouraging smile.

but the smile that stands out the most is from the person just a table away from him, in his navy blue suit—it’s his favorite color—and brushed up hair that makes him 100x more attractive, hand on top of the table and fingers intertwined with his _wife_ ’s pretty ones.

baekhyun inhales before lifting his gaze, smiling warmly as soon as he meets the older’s eyes.

“i would like to make a toast,” he takes another deep breath before continuing, smile never leaving his lips. “to my _best friend, chanyeol._ ”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


it’s been hours, pero pakiramdam ni baekhyun, wala pa rin siyang progress.

ngayon lang din napansin ni baekhyun na madilim na sa labas. he checks the time on his laptop’s taskbar, which reads 6:14pm, at halos mapamura siya when he realized he’s been sitting on his favorite spot sa maliit na coffee shop na pagmamay-ari ng college friend niya na si minseok for _five hours_ now. on the table is his laptop, the printed copy of the script that he is currently revising, his bag and phone, and two empty cups of coffee. no, actually, _three._ he’s tempted to order one last cup but decides against it—he already had too much, plus minseok won’t let him have any more coffee today, anyway. that’s for sure.

baekhyun takes a deep breath, running a hand through his caramel brown hair, bago ibinalik ang tingin sa screen ng laptop niya. he cracks his knuckles first, gently massaging both sides of his neck bago nagsimulang magtype sa keyboard. he actually had all the time to revise last week, pero hindi niya ginawa. _hindi niya magawa._ he cannot afford to procrastinate anymore. kapag dinelay niya pa nang dinelay, baka tuluyan nang bawiin sa kaniya ang opportunity na ‘to and he doesn’t want that to happen.

  
  


eventually, the inspiration and ideas come rushing to baekhyun and he finds himself typing out his thoughts effortlessly, putting the product of his imagination into words, eyes never leaving the screen of his laptop. parang nag fade out na ang mga tao at ingay sa paligid sa sobrang focused ni baekhyun sa sinusulat niya, and he’s trying really hard not to get distracted kasi alam niyang mabablanko na naman siya kapag nawala siya sa momentum.

_pero minsan, mapaglaro nga naman talaga ang tadhana._

  
  


“one strawberry frappuccino for chanyeol? one strawberry frappuccino for _chanyeol_!”

“ah, that would be me.”

baekhyun’s hand freezes, his fingers unable to type anything on the keyboard anymore. biglang nanikip ang dibdib niya. parang biglang naubos ang hangin sa mundo. _hindi siya makahinga._

baekhyun slowly lifts his head from the screen of his laptop to look over at the counter, but before he could even do so, he feels a hand on his shoulder. he doesn’t have to look up at the man para malaman kung sino siya. the familiar scent of his cologne is already a dead giveaway. his voice slightly different, pero alam na alam ni baekhyun kung kaninong boses iyon.

_“baek?”_

_it’s been years._

  
  


* * *

  
  


_“baek… uy. baek? galit ka ba?”_

_“baekhyun.”_

_“huy, pansinin mo na ako.”_

_baekhyun fights the urge to roll his eyes and lets out an annoyed sigh instead, before looking at the boy beside him. his best friend is looking up at him with that look—puppy eyes and a pout—at agad na nag-iwas ng tingin si baekhyun, knowing all too well na bibigay siya agad kapag tinignan niya pa ang kaibigan._

_“baek…” chanyeol calls out again, and this time, baekhyun responds._

_“chanyeol, pwede bang mamaya mo na ako guluhin? nasa library tayo para mag-aral, hindi para mag-usap.” medyo masungit na sagot ni baekhyun bago ibinaling ang atensyon sa notebook niya at nagpatuloy sa pagsusulat._

_narinig niya ang pagbuntong hininga ni chanyeol sa tabi niya, and for a moment, he thought na titigil na ito sa pangungulit sa kanya. he was wrong though, dahil maya-maya lang ay nagsimula na naman si chanyeol. he even moved his seat closer to baekhyun’s, and even reached for the latter’s hand para paglaruan ito. chanyeol can really be persistent at times._

_“sorry na.” malambing na sabi ni chanyeol. “galit ka nga talaga.”_

_“talaga.” baekhyun mutters under his breath, patuloy pa rin sa pagsusulat._

  
  


_baekhyun and chanyeol have been classmates since their first year, but they became best friends in their second year of high school. it was a very unexpected friendship. maraming nagulat when they started hanging out with each other, probably because they are polar opposites and no one really thought they’d get along._

_chanyeol is a prim and proper type of student—either first or second sa honor roll every quarter since kindergarten, laging pambato sa mga academic competitions in and out of the school, favorite ng mga teachers. he was the first year representative for the student council years ago (and became the SC’s secretary on their second year, vice president noong third year, and president naman ngayon seniors na sila), walang binalyang school rules ever. role model, kumbaga._

_he’s popular with girls, but he never really cared. hindi raw siya interesado na pumasok sa relasyon—saka na lang daw kapag nagtatrabaho na siya. tatanda kang binata niyan, sige, is what baekhyun always says._

  
  


_baekhyun, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. he’s naturally smart at kahit na hindi sineseryoso ang studies, pumapasa pa rin kasi nga, again, matalino naman talaga (though he never really cared much about his grades). just like chanyeol, he’s really popular with girls (and boys as well). he’s really good looking; very charming and charistmatic, and his features really scream pretty._

_unlike chanyeol though, baekhyun likes to play around. every time may umaamin sa kanya, he’d ask them out on a date or two and then after that, he’s onto the next one. he was a notorious heartbreaker, but people never really cared kasi they want to date him din naman— baekhyun’s just doing them a favor._

_on their first two years in high school, laging napapatawag sa discipline office si baekhyun—either for stupid and childish pranks, o kaya nahuling nagpapakopya ng answers sa classmate during exams, nag c-cut ng class, and other stuff. dalawang beses siyang nasuspend nung second year, muntik nang pumangatlo at muntik na ring humantong sa expulsion, but chanyeol intervened and who would have thought na doon na rin magsisimula ang pagkakaibigan nilang dalawa?_

  
  


_the bell rings, and baekhyun quickly checks his wristwatch—2 o’clock. their study period is over and it’s now time to go back to class. meron pa silang tatlong oras before dismissal. he takes his hand back from chanyeol’s, puts back the cap of his pen and closing his notebook, bago tumayo from his seat. chanyeol does the same, about to say something, pero inunahan na siya ni baekhyun._

_“hindi naman ako galit.” he says, looking at chanyeol straight in the eye. “nakakatampo lang talaga. sana aware ka kung bakit.”_

_they both know how understanding baekhyun can be. he almost never gets angry, sobrang bihira magtampo, and he really does his best to keep everything smoothsailing and chill kaya sobrang bihira lang din nilang mag-away at magkaroon ng misunderstandings ni chanyeol—or ng kahit sino pang kaibigan niya._

_pero there are things that could really, really upset him. like the reason kung bakit hindi sila okay ni chanyeol ngayon._

  
  


_having other friends was never really an issue for baekhyun and chanyeol. it should never be an issue, anyway. why would they stop each other from having other friends, right? that’d be bullshit. but isn’t it annoying to see your best friend with someone else on the day that you were supposed to go somewhere important?_

_they had plans. birthday ng lola ni baekhyun and they were going to visit her sa cemetery. chanyeol called that morning, told baekhyun na hindi niya ito masasamahan kasi raw may ‘may gagawin na importante’. that afternoon, baekhyun saw him with their girl classmate sa mall, kumakain sa isang fast food chain at nagtatawanan. turns out, girl classmate asked chanyeol out on a date—and apparently, chanyeol kind of likes her and didn’t want to say no._

_it shouldn’t be an issue. pero baekhyun found himself frustrated as hell. first, because his best friend lied to him when he could’ve just told him the truth, he would understand naman. second, lagi namang nagsasabi si chanyeol sa kaniya kapag nagkakaroon siya ng crush—but not this time—and sobrang nakakatampo lang talaga na the older kept it from him. and third, he found himself getting easily annoyed by everything joy—the girl clasmmate chanyeol went out on a date with— does, for no reason at all._

_ayaw naman nang ioverthink ni baekhyun, pero hindi niya talaga mapigilan. ‘yun nga lang, it’s making him really cranky and somehow irrational._

_“i’m s...orry.” chanyeol lets out a sigh but baekhyun doesn’t let him finish. naglakad na ito palayo bago pa man makumpleto ni chanyeol ang sasabihin._

  
  
  


_chanyeol and baekhyun didn’t speak for the rest of the day kahit na magkatabi sila sa klase. hindi na rin nangulit si chanyeol, natatakot na baka lalong mainis si baekhyun sa kanya. on the other hand, unti-unti naman nang lumalambot ang puso ni baekhyun. he really can’t stay mad at chanyeol for a long time._

_yayayain niya sana si chanyeol na sabay umuwi that afternoon—dalawang araw na silang hindi nagsasabay—pero nakaalis na ang kaibigan bago pa man siya makapagtanong. napabuntong hininga na lang si baekhyun bago tumayo at kinuha ang bag niya para umuwi na._

_he should’ve just forgiven chanyeol right away. sana hindi na lang siya nag-inarte. ngayon, siya naman ‘tong nafu-frustrate dahil mukhang napagod na ang kaibigan sa kasusuyo sa kaniya… or so he thought._

_nasa loob na ng tricycle si baekhyun with his earphones on, nakikinig ng just a kiss ng lady antebellum sa ipod touch niya habang naghihintay ng isa pang pasahero. he feels shittier now that chanyeol already stopped bugging him. this time, mukhang siya naman ang mangungulit at manghihingi ng atensyon from his best friend._

_he let out a sigh before taking his phone out of pocket. diretso siya sa messages so he could text chanyeol, para sana tanungin kung pauwi na ito—but his question had already been answered bago pa man niya maisend ang text._

_before he knew it, nasa tabi niya na ang binata, his jansport backpack sitting on his lap. chanyeol gave him a small smile, before handing him something—milkis na strawberry._

_fuck it. he really knows how to get him._

_“chan…”_

_“i’m sorry, baek. what i did was shitty. won’t do it again.” chanyeol says. “bati na tayo?”_

_baekhyun nods. kailan niya ba natiis ang best friend niya?_

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“ _grabe,_ ” chanyeol mutters, wide eyes still glued on the person in front of him. “i… can’t believe you’re _here_ right now. in front of me.”

baekhyun lets out a soft chuckle. “maybe the universe thought it’s been so long… and it’s about time to give us a mini-reunion.”

“it’s been… how many years, six? seven?”

“seven.” baekhyun responds right away with a small smile. “almost eight.”

“yeah.” it takes chanyeol a minute before he was able to respond. the number of years they haven’t seen each other, when spoken, somehow feels heavy in the chest. he nods slowly, his eyes softening but never leaving baekhyun’s face. “ _seven whole years without anything_.”

“oa ka sa _without anything_ na part ha.” baekhyun says with a light chuckle, trying to lighten up the conversation.

“totoo naman eh.”

“hindi kaya!” the younger protests. “ginigreet kaya kita kapag birthday mo tsaka kapag pasko at new year!”

“yeah, one out of the seven years. yung next six years, wala na. kinalimutan mo na ‘ko.” chanyeol pouts a bit, and baekhyun’s heart almost drops to his stomach. _tangina. it’s been almost eight years, but chanyeol still has that same effect on him._

“i’ve been very busy… and nagpalit din ako ng number. you probably did too kasi i tried to call you once but you didn’t pick up—” the younger tries to reason out but chanyeol only shakes his head, raising a hand to stop baekhyun from talking.

chanyeol peeks through the gaps between his fingers, looking baekhyun in the eye right after, giving him a warm smile. the younger’s heart almost melts.

“let’s not talk about it now. save that for later.” the older of the two says with a laugh. baekhyun laughs along. “i _want_ to know how you’ve been. i only hear about you from our friends nowadays, it’s kinda sad.”

“i’m good.” baekhyun answers right away, his smile never leaving his lips. “i guess?”

“hmm? di ka sure?” chanyeol chuckles.

“well, i’ve been better? sobrang… stressed out lang talaga ako these days. i don’t know if you’ve heard, but i started working in this production company and i’ve been working there for about a year na. then almost two months ago, nag pitch ako ng movie idea kay direk and he liked it so i started working on the script right away, finished it within a month. pero direk told me na parang kulang pa raw, and that he thinks i could still make it better, kaya eto. nirerevise ko kaya lang medyo nahihirapan ako kasi you know, writer’s block plus the pressure pa… _chan,_ are you even listening to what i’m saying _?_ ”

“mhm-mm.” chanyeol answers right away, his elbow on the table with his chin resting against the palm of his hand. “sorry, i got distracted for a quick second. namiss ko lang talaga pakinggan mga kwento mo. i missed listening to your voice a lot.”

_namiss ko rin ikwento sa’yo mga nangyayari sa buhay ko… namiss ko rin ang boses mo. miss na miss kita_. baekhyun wants to say a lot, but settles on a smile instead.

“aba dapat lang.” he says.

chanyeol lets out a chuckle, taking a sip of his strawberry frappuccino.

baekhyun finds it funny—how a lot of things have probably changed throughout the seven years that they haven’t seen each other, and yet, ang dami pa ring mga bagay na na-retain. chanyeol still uses the same cologne na gamit niya back in high school. _bench._ he still prefers strawberry flavored drinks over anything else (which is something he picked up from baekhyun back in high school. he never really liked strawberry before). he’s also wearing a flannel over a black graphic tee—which is very… _him. very high school chanyeol._

and most of all, he still looks at baekhyun the same way he used to back when they were younger. baekhyun couldn’t help but feel warm all over. _pakiramdam niya, sasabog siya anytime soon._

  
  


no words were spoken sa sumunod na ilang minuto. they both stayed silent and just looked at each other.

_this_ was a lot to take in. sobrang… overwhelming for the both of them. ang dami nang taon na lumipas, naipon ang mga bagay na gustong sabihin sa isa’t isa. masyado nang marami, at hindi nila alam kung saan magsisimula. _o kung dapat pa bang pagusapan._

  
  


“baek, i know you’re busy with work pero… pwede ba kitang istorbohin tonight?” chanyeol finally breaks the silence a few minutes later. sumandal siya sa upuan, fishing out his phone out of his jean pocket to check the time (and to check for messages na rin, wala naman so far). 7:12pm. he looks up at baekhyun once again, still waiting for his answer.

the younger shifts his gaze from chanyeol papunta sa table kung nasaan ang script at laptop niya. he should be working on his script right now pero…

“a few hours of not writing won’t hurt and i think i need a break so… sure. _sa’n tayo?_ ”

  
  


* * *

  
  


_“alam mo… sometimes, i feel bad.”_

_baekhyun and chanyeol are walking down the familiar road not far from their school. the first semester of their second year is almost ending. malapit na ring matapos ang taon. malapit na rin ang birthday ni chanyeol—though hindi alam ni baekhyun._

_they’ve only been friends for quite some time, anyways. a month and a half? pero kahit saglit pa lang silang magkaibigan, sobrang naging malapit na sila sa isa’t isa—to the point na sabay silang umuuwi araw-araw. iisa lang naman ang daan nila pauwi._

_“bakit?” baekhyun asks without looking at the boy walking beside him. nakakapit siya sa magkabilang strap ng itim na jansport backpack, diretso ang tingin._

_“wala. feeling ko ninanakaw kita sa mga kaibigan mo.” chanyeol laughs a little, ang baekhyun does too, finally sparing the taller boy a quick glance._

_“hindi naman eh.” he says just as chanyeol turns to look at him as well. “pwede naman akong magkaron ng iba pang kaibigan aside from them.”_

_“hmm. sabagay.” chanyeol nods, turning his gaze back ahead. “naisip ko lang naman. since… lagi na tayong sabay umuuwi.”_

_“edi hindi na ako sa’yo sasabay next time!” baekhyun teases._

_“huy! wala akong sinabing ‘wag kang sumabay sakin!” nakangusong sabi ni chanyeol. isang buwan pa lang siguro sila nagsasabay pauwi, but chanyeol’s enjoying the company so far. it’s nice having someone to talk to habang naglalakad pauwi—the first few times they went home together, sumasakay pa sila sa tricycle. but then they thought, why not walk? exercise na, tipid pa sa pamasahe, and they get to spend almost an hour just talking about stuff._

_they liked it. a lot. sharing weird and random stories with each other, talking about their interests. dropping by at the convenience store to buy snacks and eating them at the nearby playground. it made their school days less exhausting. made their bad days a bit more tolerable._

_“joke lang!” baekhyun laughs out loud, hopping a bit para maakbayan nang maayos ang mas matangkad na si chanyeol. “kapag hindi tayo sabay umuwi, sino nang manlilibre sakin ng milkis?”_

_“grabe, so sinasabayan mo lang ako para sa libre?!”_

_“oo, bakit? angal ka.”_

_but they both know baekhyun’s just teasing. he likes walking home together with chanyeol, as well. he likes spending time with him._

* * *

  
  


baekhyun finds himself sitting at the back of chanyeol’s pick up truck at around 8 in the evening, admiring antipolo’s star-filled night sky, a can of cold beer in his hand that they managed to grab in a convenience store on their way up here.

chanyeol is sitting beside him, less than a feet away, eyes watching the bright and bustling city down below. he takes a sip of his beer; baekhyun does the same.

“baek?” panimula ni chanyeol. baekhyun hums in acknowledgment. “remember when we were younger?”

baekhyun’s throat goes dry. if he’s being honest, he never really liked talking about the past with their other high school friends, never really enjoyed reminiscing their good old days—no matter how great the memories of their youth were.

for baekhyun, high school is like a box full of memories that he treasures so much—a box that would rather stay locked and untouched forever, because aside from the good, bad, and fun memories in it, it also carries something that makes it heavier. _regrets. lots of it_.

so he threw the key away, completely forgetting that there’s still another person carries a spare.

“what about it?” baekhyun manages to say a minute later, taking a swig of his beer, the bitter taste of alcohol burning in his throat.

“around… second year? third year? pag umuuwi tayo from school, dumadaan muna tayo sa 7eleven. tapos bumibili tayo ng milkis na strawberry flavor because you like it best. tapos tumatambay tayo sa playground malapit sa inyo, sa swings. we used to pretend na beer ‘yung iniinom natin.” chanyeol lets out a laugh, the image of their younger selves warming his heart. “‘di pa tayo marunong uminom nu’n eh.”

baekhyun lets out another hum, giving chanyeol a small smile kahit hindi ito nakatingin. tahimik ang paligid. napaisip tuloy siya… naririnig kaya ni chanyeol kung gaano kalakas ang tibok ng puso niya ngayon?

“naalala ko pa one time, sabi mo nu’n,” the older continues. “kapag nasa tamang edad na tayo, kung sinong mauunang mag-asawa sa’ting dalawa, manlilibre ng totoong alak tapos doon natin iinumin sa playground.”

the memory makes baekhyun laugh a little. hindi niya alam kung bakit niya sinabi ‘yun.

“is that why you bought me a drink tonight? kasi _mag-aasawa ka na?_ ” he jokes, raising his half-drunk can of beer. 

baekhyun was _kind of_ expecting chanyeol to laugh along with him and tease him back, but the latter’s response was enough to make him stop laughing, wiping the bright grin on his lips in an instant. 

chanyeol finally tears his gaze away from the city lights, turning to face the younger.

“natanggap mo naman pala ‘yung invitation pero hindi ka nagconfirm. ayaw mo siguro talagang pumunta sa kasal ko no?” chanyeol lets out a quiet laugh, but baekhyun could still hear the pain in his voice, could see the sadness in his eyes as he spoke. “i just thought, maybe, jongdae wasn’t able to give the invitation to you kaya hindi ka pa rin tumatawag. i sent you a copy of the invitation in your email, too, pero wala ring sagot. naisip ko, baka natabunan lang or something.”

baekhyun wants to say something. knows he _should be_ saying something. but right now, he’s just… confused. _really, really confused._

“what… are you saying?” baekhyun laughs nervously. by now, he already _knows._ he knows exactly what’s going on, hindi naman siya ganu’n ka-slow. pero ayaw niyang maniwala. parang… hindi niya kayang maniwala.

chanyeol furrows his eyebrows. “wait. did you… get the invitation? or…?”

_he did. baekhyun did._ jongdae dropped by his unit a month ago to give him something, _a wedding invation_ that ended up in the drawer of his bedside table—completely unopened. jongdae said a high school batchmate is getting married, he didn’t say who, and baekhyun ended up not checking it at all dahil alam naman niyang hindi siya pupunta.

turns out… it is _his best friend_ who’s getting married.

“baek…”

“i… did.” baekhyun says.

nag-iwas siya ng tingin. parang pinipiga ang puso niya. parang paulit-ulit na dinudurog. paulit-ulit na binabasag. when he saw chanyeol earlier, he was very happy. who wouldn’t be? ilang taon din silang wala sa buhay ng isa’t isa, and it felt nice that _finally,_ after all those years, they finally reconnected.

baekhyun always knew that chanyeol is in a happy and stable relationship. he never really bothered to look them up on social media to check, never really bothered to ask their friends or chanyeol himself, pero madalas ay pinagkekwentuhan nila sehun kapag akala nilang hindi siya nakikinig.

baekhyun is happy for chanyeol. he really is. it took him a while, _pero tanggap niya na._ it doesn’t mean it hurts any less, though.

“are you… coming?” chanyeol asks. even if baekhyun isn’t looking, he could feel the older staring at him. baekhyun manages to force out a smile.

“of course, _chan._ i wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_“finally, dumating din ang mag-jowa.” jongdae sighs dramatically nang matanaw niya na sina chanyeol at baekhyun sa labas, kakababa lang sa tricycle. tumayo siya sa kinauupuan niya sa loob ng 7eleven bago kinuha ang backpack mula sa lamesa ang kyungsoo did the same._

_“feeling ko talaga may something ‘yang dalawang ‘yan.” sabi ni kyungsoo habang nakasunod kay jongdae papalabas ng convenience store._

_“guys, sorry! late na ako nagising.” nakangusong sabi ni baekhyun nang makalabas ang dalawang kaibigan (na palipat-lipat ang tingin between him and the chanyeol). “buti dinaanan ako ni chan sa bahay.”_

_“boyfriend duties?” pang-aasar ni jongdae._

_“gago, ‘di kami talo. diba, chan?” pabirong siniko ni baekhyun si chanyeol sa tagiliran. ngumiti naman ito at umiling, bago inakbayan si baekhyun._

_“hindi niya lang talaga ako type.” he says, na dahilan para mas lalong mangantyaw si kyungsoo at jongdae._

_baekhyun rolls his eyes bago inalis ang braso ni chanyeol sa balikat niya, fixing the strap of his backpack right after. “alam niyo, baka abutan pa tayo ng traffic. tara na, umalis na tayo.”_

_“sino ba kasi late?” pangaasar ni chanyeol. baekhyun only rolls his eyes bago naglakad palayo._

  
  


_ngayon ang unang araw ng bakasyon nila pagkatapos ng high school graduation. maraming pamahiin tungkol sa mga outings before or after graduation, pero hindi naman papapigil ang magkakaibigan. papunta sila ngayon sa resort na pagmamay-ari ng pamilya ng kaibigan nila na si junmyeon. (the others are already there, silang apat na lang ang kulang.)_

_nasa tricycle na sila ngayon—si chanyeol at kyungsoo sa labas, at si baekhyun at jongdae naman sa loob. hindi naman kalayuan ang resort, probably fifteen to twenty minutes na byahe since wala namang traffic dahil nga wala nang pasok ang mga estudyante._

_“baek,” tawag ni jongdae sa kaibigan habang nasa byahe. “umamin ka nga… ano ba talagang meron sa inyo ni chanyeol?”_

_hindi na nagulat ang binata sa tanong ng kaibigan. hindi rin naman ito ang unang beses na may nagtanong sa kanya tungkol sa kung ano mang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa ni chanyeol._

_“alam mo ang kulit niyo talaga.” natatawang sabi ni baekhyun. “wala nga. best friends.”_

_“weh? sure ka na ba d’yan?” pangungulit ni jongdae._

_“oo nga. tsaka… hindi ako type niyan—”_

_“ah, so kung pasok ka sa type niya, edi may chance?”_

_baekhyun rolls his eyes playfully, shaking his head. ang kulit talaga ni jongdae kahit kailan._

_“alam mo, ewan ko sa’yo. sinabi ko na ‘yung sagot kanina pa. wala kaming something. magkaibigan lang talaga kami.”_

_“okay, okay. sabi mo eh.” jongdae finally gives up… ata? “naiintriga lang kasi talaga ako. like… paano? paanong hindi kayo nadedevelop sa isa’t isa? you’re both interested in guys. you’re both good-looking. lagi kayong magkasama, magkausap, magkadikit. chanyeol’s very affectionate din pagdating sa’yo. alam mo, kung ako siguro nasa posisyon mo, matagal na akong nagka-crush dyan kay chanyeol.”_

_bumuntong-hininga si baekhyun bago tinignan si jongdae._

_“okay, fine. nagkacrush ako sa kanya back in second year, nung mga unang buwan pa lang kaming magkaibigan.” nagliwanag ang mga mata ni jongdae sa narinig. “pero! pero, crush lang ‘yon. hindi nag evolve into something deeper. it only lasted for a few weeks lang siguro?”_

_“bakit?!?!”_

_“ewan ko! basta nawala na lang, ganun.” nag-iwas ng tingin si baekhyun. “pero ngayon… wala na talaga. as in.”_

_“yeah, right, okay.” this time, si jongdae naman ang umirap. hindi niya naman ugali na pangunahan ang nararamdaman ng ibang tao, but if he’s being honest, hindi talaga siya convinced. baekhyun and chanyeol’s words contradict their actions._

_hindi alam ni jongdae if aware sina baekhyun at chanyeol about that fact (probably not), pero sobrang linaw para sa mga taong kasama nila sa araw-araw—it’s very clear na there is something. or at least, there could be. either they haven’t figured it out just yet, or talagang dinedeny lang nila for the sake of their friendship._

_“alam mo kasi dae… immune na ako sa charms ni chanyeol.” baekhyun smiles at his friend. “wala nang talab sakin. and i’m sure na if ikaw ang nasa posisyon ko, ganito rin mafifeel mo.”_

_“whatever helps you sleep at night, baekhyun byun.” jongdae laughs, finally dropping the topic—though it’s baekhyun who couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it now._

  
  
  
  


_totoo ata talagang bumibilis ang oras kapag masaya ka. before they knew it, madilim na ang langit. kyungsoo and jongin already went home bago pa dumilim—hindi kasi pinayagan mag overnight si kyungsoo, and as for jongin… tumakas lang talaga ito. ang natira na lang sa resort ay sina junmyeon, jongdae, yixing, sehun, chanyeol, at baekhyun._

_they’ll be using the family room for free, all thanks to junmyeon and his parents, pero ngayon ay nasa cottage pa rin sila. kumakain na sila ng dinner—inihaw na liempo at spaghetti—habang umiinom at nagvi-videoke. sehun, the youngest, already finished eating kaya bumalik na ito sa pool. susulitin niya raw ang libreng paswimming ni junmyeon who follows him right after finishing his food._

_kasalukuyang bumibirit ng regine velasquez song si jongdae sa videoke, na sinasabayan naman ng pa-interpretative dance ng medyo tipsy na si yixing. chanyeol’s enjoying his beer, and beside him is baekhyun na masayang pinapanood ang mga kaibigan, medyo nahihilo na kahit nakakadalawang bote pa lang siya._

  
  


_“hina mo naman.” pang-aasar ni chanyeol nang mapansin na namumula na ang mukha ng kaibigan._

_baekhyun flipped him off, making a face. “ulol. hindi kasi lasinggero katulad mo.”_

_“hoy, grabe ka sakin! ngayon nga lang ako ulit uminom!” chanyeol laughs, and baekhyun eventually joins in, his laugh almost making the older’s heart melt._

_chanyeol would be lying kung sasabihin niya na hindi lumundag ang puso niya when baekhyun suddenly turned to look at him—his cheeks flushed, hair damp, and a big grin still plastered on his face. chanyeol almost loses it when baekhyun reached out to wipe the side of his mouth using his thumb, the soft skin of his finger warm against chanyeol’s own._

_“ang tanda-tanda mo na pero ang dungis-dungis mo pa rin kapag kumakain.” natatawang sabi ni baekhyun, hindi pa rin nag-iiwas ng tingin._

_fuck, chanyeol mentally curses. fuck. fuck._

_for some reason, hindi niya magawang alisin ang tingin mula sa mukha ng kaibigan. this happened before, hindi ito ang unang beses, hindi rin pangalawa—but the first few times, chanyeol was able to control himself. he was always able to look away. was always able to pretend that his heart didn’t do flips inside his chest. so why can’t he do that now?_

_“why are you looking at me like that?” baekhyun asks in a small voice. he could barely hear his own voice, masyadong_ _malakas ang tibok ng puso niya_ _maingay ang tugtog sa videoke._

_“like what?” chanyeol manages to say._

_“like… you want to kiss me.”_

_“what if i do?”_

_“huh?”_

_“what if i want to kiss you?”_

_before they knew it, baekhyun and chanyeol are slowly leaning forward, the gap between them getting smaller and smaller with each passing second._

_baekhyun’s eyes flutter close, and chanyeol closes his, too._

_at this point, they couldn’t care less about anything. they couldn’t care less about the eyes that are watching them, couldn’t care less about what they would say or how they would react._

_chanyeol’s not afraid of what the outcome of this small action would be. he’s not afraid of change, because he knows they would eventually figure things out. the only thing he’s afraid of is letting this chance slip away._

_but baekhyun is. he is scared._

_too scared that he finds himself pulling away even before their lips could meet. too scared that he gets up from his seat and walks away. scared. he was too scared to take the risk._

  
  


* * *

  
  


nagmamadaling pumasok si baekhyun sa unit niya, walking over to his bedside table right away to retrieve the white, scented envelope with the navy blue ribbon that was given to him a month ago.

baekhyun settles down on the cold tiled floor, hands trembling as he struggled to untie the ribbon around the envelope—baekhyun should have known that it is chanyeol who’s getting married. the ribbon’s color is already a dead giveaway.

or maybe, at the back of his mind, _he already knew that it’s the invitation for chanyeol’s wedding the very moment jongdae handed it to him._

maybe he just didn’t want to admit it. maybe he was just scared to find out... _pero kailan nga ba siya hindi natakot?_

upon opening the envelope, he sees a picture of the couple—chanyeol with his arms wrapped around a woman baekhyun have never seen his entire life, smiling as they gazed at each other’s eyes. it makes baekhyun’s heart hurt— _literally—_ inside his chest.

he starts to read the contents of the invitation, though he never got to finish because his tears are already blurring his vision, even blotting the ink on the paper.

the box of old memories have already been opened by chanyeol’s words after how many years, and all the regrets that baekhyun have kept inside started to resurface, reminding baekhyun that it’s always been there, it will always be—not until he fully lets go of them, by means of acceptance.

  
  


baekhyun spends the night crying his heart out.

he couldn’t stop thinking about all the _what-if_ s and _what-could’ve-been_ s. what if he kissed him that night? paano kung hindi siya natakot? paano kung hindi niya iniwasan si chanyeol after what happened? what if he replied to his texts and calls instead of ignoring them? what if he stayed? or… at least gave chanyeol a proper goodbye before he left to study in manila? what if he told him about his feelings?

baekhyun knows best that thinking about these things won’t do him any good. as cliche as it sounds, he knows that he should let go of the what-ifs and embrace _what is._ after all, hindi na maibabalik ang panahon na nawala at nasayang.

* * *

  
  
  
  


“i would like to make a toast… to my best friend, chanyeol.”

baekhyun watches as chanyeol’s smile widens, his perfect teeth showing, making him look really adorable. he mouths something to the younger from where he is seated, something along the lines of _you look good tonight_ , though baekhyun’s not really sure if he read his lips right.

the younger takes another deep breath, eyes darting towards the untouched food on his plate, looking back up once again after a second. he’s already taken out a piece of slightly crumpled paper from his pocket, all he needs to do now is to start reading what’s written on it, and he does.

“we’ve been best friends for… quite some time now.” he starts. “ten years, almost eleven, although we’ve never really been on each other’s lives for the last few years. even so, whenever someone asks me who my best friend is in the seven years na wala tayong contact sa isa’t isa, i always tell them na… it’s someone from back _home_ , and his name is chanyeol park.”

chanyeol takes a deep breath, smile never leaving his lips. ilang pangungusap pa lang ang binibitawan ni baekhyun, pero para na siyang maiiyak. he’s really, really happy that the younger is here right now, celebrating this special day with him. it means a lot to chanyeol.

“we didn’t see each other for seven years… but i never stopped considering you as my best friend. because _you are_ , and _you will always be._ ” baekhyun smiles, lifting his gaze from the paper for a quick second to look at chanyeol’s reaction—and he almost instantly regrets it, because the way the older is looking at him right now is making his heart hurt. _feeling niya maiiyak siya._

“okay, simulan na natin. hindi pa simula ‘yung kanina, intro pa lang ‘yun.” baekhyun jokes, making the crowd errupt in soft laughter. even chanyeol’s wife, erin, lets out a chuckle. she’s very fond of baekhyun, despite only meeting him a week before the wedding. she’s heard a lot of stories about him from chanyeol, and it made her really happy when she finally met her partner’s best friend.

“chanyeol,” baekhyun speaks again once the crowd have settled down. “engineer chanyeol park… i hope you know that i am really, really proud of you. of what you have become. of where you are now. matagal mo na ‘tong pangarap, at kahit noon pa, alam ko na maabot mo rin. naalala ko no’n, nung high school, pag tinatamad ako… ikaw ang nagsasagot ng math homework ko. hindi ka natatakot sa numbers. du’n pa lang, alam ko na na kakayanin mo ang engineering.”

nagtawanan na naman ang mga tao sa hall. chanyeol’s shaking his head, laughing like there’s no tomorrow. even baekhyun himself lets out a laugh, though hindi pa rin nawawala ang kaba at malakas na pagkabog ng dibdib niya.

“all jokes aside! i always knew you’d reach your dream. and i’m really, really proud of you. hindi na tayo nag-uusap nung college. andito na ako nu’n sa manila, naiwan ka sa province. i wasn’t there to stay up with you kapag may tinatapos ka na requirements. hindi kita nasasamahan mag all-nighter kapag kailangan mong mag-aral for exams. i wasn’t there to celebrate your _unos_ with you, and i wasn’t there to comfort you kapag nakita mo na ang kulay pulang _cinco_ sa card mo.” baekhyun lets out a soft smile before lifting his gaze once again, meeting with chanyeol’s warm eyes. “pero kahit na hindi tayo magkasama, kahit na wala ako sa tabi mo… there was never a day that i didn’t worry about you. lagi kitang iniisip. we both know na hindi ako religious na tao, pero lagi kitang pinagdadasal. pinagdasal kita before your licensure exams, talagang pumunta pa ako sa quiapo. i knew you’d pass it in one take, pero syempre, kailangan pa rin ng guidance from up there. and then you passed the licensure exams… and it made me really, really happy.”

baekhyun’s eyes scans the words written on the piece of paper that he’s holding, but for some reason, parang gusto niya nang ibalik ang papel sa bulsa niya—and that’s what he does next. he folds the worn out piece of paper, putting it back inside of his pocket. it took him weeks to write that speech, paulit-ulit na pagsusulat at pag-iisip ng mga bagay na dapat isulat, mga bagay na pwedeng ikwento sa mga taong parte ng buhay ng kaibigan niya, mga bagay na gusto niyang sabihin, pero ngayon… _parang hindi sapat ang mga salitang naisulat niya sa kapirasong papel na ‘yun._

  
  


bumuntong hininga si baekhyun bago nag-angat ng tingin, lahat ng mata ng mga tao sa malaking kwarto ay nakatuon sa kanya.

“ang dami-dami kong sinulat sa papel na ‘yun, mga kwento about you, about our high school lives, about fun times and petty fights... but i never got to write down the things that i _really want to say._ ”

chanyeol shifts in his seat, his smile slowly fading away. he doesn’t know where baekhyun is going with this, but he wants to hear him out, needs to hear what he has to say.

“you know, i’ve always wanted to reach out to you. i’ve always wanted to call you. i tried. pero hindi natutuloy lagi kasi… hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin. ang daming nangyari, eh. ang daming bagay na… binaon sa limot. ang daming mga bagay na hindi natin nasabi sa isa’t isa.” nag-iwas ng tingin si baekhyun.

hindi niya alam kung anong ginagawa niya. hindi niya alam kung saan ba papunta ‘tong mga sinasabi niya. he’s trying to be really careful though—he doesn’t want to ruin this day for his best friend and his wife. but at the same time, he doesn’t want to keep his feelings bottled in anymore.

“those things… kept me up almost every night for the past seven years. there were times na… hindi ko naiisip. hindi kita naiisip. pero may mga gabing wala akong ibang maisip kundi ‘yun, _ikaw_ , mga salitang hindi nasabi at mga pagkakataon na pinalampas.” 

humigpit ang hawak ni chanyeol sa kamay ni erin, but the latter just rubs her thumb against the skin of chanyeol’s hand. erin likes baekhyun a lot, she’s very fond of him, pero hindi naman siya bulag para hindi makita kung paano nito tignan si chanyeol. hindi rin siya manhid, for her not to feel the emotions flowing through baekhyun’s words, no matter how vague they are. _she knows._

baekhyun could feel the burning stares of the people in the hall. although some of them are oblivious, a few of them have probably caught on. baekhyun _knows_ that this is not the right place and time for what he’s about to say, _but there will never be any other time._ this is his only chance. _his last one._

“i would probably regret it if i don’t say it now, and i already made a promise with myself na… i would start living my life without regrets from this day forward.” baekhyun lets out a weak smile. nagbabadya na ang luha sa mga mata niya, and he’s sure they’d fall if he speaks. “chanyeol, _i’ve loved you for years._ i’ve loved you when we were young. and i continued loving you even when we were apart.”

almost everyone in the hall are subtly panicking—who wouldn’t, anyways? the groom’s best man just made a confession, during the reception, in front of a hundred people—in front of his wife. but…

“but that’s all in the past. it doesn’t matter anymore.” baekhyun continues, locking eyes with chanyeol, as if they’re the only ones in the hall right now. “all that matters now is _you_ and _erin. the love that you give, and will continuously give to each other for all the years to come._ ”

baekhyun could feel the warm streaks of tears against his cheek, but he’s smiling still.

“chanyeol,” he says, before looking over to the woman beside his best friend, who’s also looking back at him with a small smile and glassy eyes. “erin, thank you very much for looking after my best friend, and for giving him all your love. as long as it’s you, alam kong wala akong dapat ipag-alala. congratulations on your wedding. i wish you a long, and happy marriage.”

* * *

  
  


_when chanyeol and baekhyun arrive in front of the building where the younger lives, it’s already past twelve midnight. exhaustion is starting to wash over baekhyun, and he’s unable to stifle a yawn._

_chanyeol laughs from the driver’s seat, watching as baekhyun unbuckles his seatbelt._

_“i’m really happy we finally saw each other again tonight after so many years.” baekhyun says, turning to face chanyeol. “i’m really glad we’re back in each other’s lives.”_

_“if you’re really happy, can i get a hug, then?” chanyeol asks, and baekhyun chuckles before leaning forward to wrap his arms around the older._

_the embrace is warm and nice and comforting. it is familiar. it is still the best thing in the world._

_“tama na, kailangan mo nang umuwi.” baekhyun says, pulling away from the hug. chanyeol stops him, though, tightening his arms around the younger._

_“wait… before you go, i wanna tell you something.”_

_“hmm?” baekhyun hums. “what is it?”_

_“i never got to tell you pero gusto kong sabihin ngayon… because you deserve to know. but before i met erin, i was in love with you. fourth year high school, november. a week before my birthday.”_

_“why… didn’t you tell me?” baekhyun says, voice barely audible. chanyeol hugs him even tighter._

_“i was scared.” he says. “and when i was finally willing to take the risk, you walked away from me.”_

_“chan…”_

_“but it’s okay, though.” chanyeol finally pulls away from the hug, giving baekhyun’s cheek a light pinch. “i spent almost ten years loving you, and that’s enough. i have no regrets, baek.”_

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaaaaaand, done!!! i hope u guys had fun reading it hehehehe sana di kayo umiyak masyado kiss ko kayo
> 
> let me know your thoughts on twitter! :) i'm @sehunkist !


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